We were not surprised when our youngest son chose a university where he did not know a single person. After all, he is a leader, an extravert and loves adventure! I was shocked, however, when he had problems finding connection and struggled with homesickness the first semester. He was having roommate issues, could not find “his people” and college life in general did not live up to his expectations.

At Christmas break he announced he had made a mistake and wanted to transfer. My husband and I felt helpless and disagreed on how to guide him through this season. I wanted to put my foot down, insisting he “bloom where he was planted.” My wise husband navigated our conversation as we encouraged him to return the second semester and explore his transfer options while still earning credit hours. We promised to support his decision yet required that he cover all expenses involved in this round of college visits, application fees and deposits. I felt a weight was lifted knowing that he owned the outcome.

That was a hard year. If I had it to do over, I’d tell my parent-of-a-college freshman self to:

• Pray rather than preach when he calls to process his ping-pong emotions with me.
• Check my soul. Let go of his happiness status to do an internal spiritual evaluation. It’s interesting to see what idols are there when the spotlight is turned around.
• Remember that he isn’t going to call me back to tell me when things get better, and I am wasting a lot of emotional energy carrying around that original phone call drama!
• Refrain from being over-responsible by plotting and planning how to rescue him. Getting personally involved in his journey to adulthood could hurt our relationship and delay necessary steps for his growth process.
• Discern what requires parental involvement rather than rushing to solve their every “crisis.” Often their feelings are temporary, and the issues are like shifting sand.

That spring my son spent several weekends touring other schools, Samford being one of them, where my oldest son was a junior at the time. During that visit, they had a spiritual conversation on the Quad that was transformative for my youngest son. He nailed down his commitment to Christ and returned to his school with the missing connection in his life. He began to initiate friendships, joined intramural teams and took the lead to start a new ministry organization on his campus. Because he stayed, life-long friendships were formed. Fifteen years later his college friend group of seven guys maintain an ongoing text thread, host a Memorial Day family retreat with their wives and kids, and gather for an annual “guys-only” weekend. Their bond can only be attributed to patience and perseverance. That’s what friendship requires.

For the Samford parent of a freshman who might be struggling like my son did, here are a few practical things you might suggest when they are feeling impatient with the college friendship process:

• Encourage them to consider getting involved in a club. Contact Carla Novaes-Reddick at 205-726-2028 or email her at cnovaesr@samford.edu for more information.

Clubs and Organizations

• The new Campus Recreation, Wellness and Athletics Complex is a great way to join in a spontaneous game of billiards, foosball or ping pong. Samford has a very active and strong Intramural program.

Campus Recreation and Intramural Sports

• Step Sing will be here before you know it and sign-ups began after Fall Break. There are independent and Greek groups to participate in and students can find a way to contribute with or without a musical background. It's a fun way to meet people and get plugged in.
• Consider a mission trip or community service through the Office of Community Engagement.  The Event Volunteer Teamis a great way to plug in if students enjoy planning and prepping for campus events. All it takes is signing up to volunteer where you'll rub shoulders with others for a common purpose. 

Student Event Volunteer Team Sign Up

• The Office of Spiritual Life offers lots of small groups and ways for students to connect. For more information contact 205-726-2825 or osl@samford.edu.  
• If you think your student needs to talk to a counselor, contact Samford CARES.

All students, even those who appear to "belong," are looking for meaningful and lasting friendships. It takes time for those to develop. Encourage your son or daughter to be patient to work through the process and persevere to take some level of risk to meet new people.