Over the years, I’ve had a steady stream of calls and emails from worship leaders who were struggling in their relationships with their pastors. I often hear worship leaders bemoan the differences between them and their pastors—differences in age, musical preference, temperament, etc. In some cases, the relationship had soured so badly, the worship leader was ready to quit. The course of action that emerges from these conversations always vary depending on the circumstances. But there are eight overall principles that I can pass along on this topic. Hopefully, these suggestions will be helpful whether you’re struggling in your relationship with your pastor or just want to improve your relationship with your pastor.
1. Pray for Your Pastor
Your pastor has a very difficult job and needs regular prayer support. The Apostle Paul was not shy about asking those he led to pray for him (Colossians 4:3; 1 Thessalonians 5:25; 2 Thessalonians 3:1). Pray for your pastor’s marriage and family. Lift up your pastor on sermon prep day. Pray especially for wisdom, understanding, and protection. Pray for any personal or church related burdens your pastor is carrying. Praying for someone always deepens our love for them and increases our appreciation for their unique qualities.
2. Do Your Job With a Positive Attitude
Do everything you can to make the worship ministry a source of delight to your pastor instead of a source of frustration and irritation. In other words, do your job well and do it with a positive attitude. Follow through on your ministry responsibilities. Avoid getting distracted; stay on task. “Fulfill the ministry that you have received in the Lord” (Colossians 4:17). And by all means, go about your business without grumbling or complaining. Avoid a negative spirit. Ministry is a privilege and should be conducted with a grateful heart (1 Timothy 1:12).
3. Be Open to Your Pastor’s Suggestions
If your pastor makes song suggestions or offers service ideas, receive the input warmly. Don’t be rigid, inflexible, or territorial. If, after hearing your pastor out, you disagree with the suggestion or feel it’s not feasible, explain your view respectfully and logically (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13).
4. Be Loyal
Leaders appreciate loyalty. Never slander or talk negatively about your pastor, especially to volunteers. Instead, show your support. Do everything you can to demonstrate that you’re behind your pastor.
5. Remember Who’s Boss
If you find yourself at a stalemate with your pastor over a programming decision, you need to back down in a spirit of humble deference. Hebrews 13:17 says, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.” In other words, your pastor is the boss. If you disagree with a decision, speak your mind. If you don’t win your pastor over, you need to willingly submit to leadership. After all, you’re there to serve your pastor and the congregation, not your own agenda.
6. Encourage Your Pastor
A pastor’s job can be stressful. No matter how confident and strong they appear, pastors are still human beings susceptible to anxiety and discouragement. So be sure to encourage your pastor. Send a note of appreciation or a thoughtful email. Proverbs 12:25 says, “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.” Be an encouraging voice in your pastor’s life.
7. Seek Out Your Pastor’s Feedback
Instead of waiting for your pastor to come to you, take initiative and seek out your pastor’s feedback. Ask, “Is there anything I (or our team) can do to increase our effectiveness as worship leaders? Do you have any suggestions as to how we can improve?” If you remain teachable, your pastor’s input will make you a better worship leader.
8. Move Toward Your Pastor Relationally
When worship leaders describe problems they’re having with their pastors, I often ask whether they’ve talked to their pastors about it. The answer most of the time is “no.” No matter how challenging the relationship gets, resist the temptation to withdraw. Instead, make every effort to communicate honestly and openly with your pastor.
Differences Can Be A Strength
Like any relationship, your partnership with your pastor takes work, but it is well worth it. The Lord may have put you two together in spite of your differences, because you complement each other well. If you learn to work together effectively, your differing perspectives may actually turn out to be the strength of your ministry together.
We invite you to join us on Thursday, November 7 at 10:00 a.m. for a time of worship at Samford in Reid Chapel, led by Samford Worship Collective with a word from Rory Noland, followed by a FREE lunch at 11:30 a.m. (must register for the lunch) with the CWA staff and Rory Noland in the Rotunda Club as we discuss the Heart of the Artist – Spiritual Wellness for Ministry Leaders
Rory Noland is the director of Heart of the Artist Ministries, an organization dedicated to serving artists in the church. Serving in church leadership for over 40 years, Rory continues to mentor worship leaders, speak at churches, colleges, and conferences, lead retreats for artists, and consult with churches in the areas of worship, spiritual formation, and the arts. Rory is also a published songwriter and has authored six books, including the best-selling book, The Heart of the Artist: A Character-Building Guide For You and Your Ministry Team.
